Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm at about main and main street
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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