...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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