I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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