I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
