I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
