I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
