and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
