i jhust puked up my retainher.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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