And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
