Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
