that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
