make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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