Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
