She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
