Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
