And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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