I saw his package. It spoke to me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
