Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
