ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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