my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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