do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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