Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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