she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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