I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We had to coat check the pizza.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
