last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
