Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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