Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
