We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
