The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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