I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
