does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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