so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
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