Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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