she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
