I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
