ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
