found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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