why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
