I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
BRING THE BAGELS
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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