Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
