you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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