i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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