I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
