i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
