soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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