I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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