I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
How's work?
Spinning.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
