the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
