Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize