my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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