did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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