just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
