Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Drunk is a universal language darling
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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