this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
