Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
