PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
