How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
