i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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