how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
