her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
