Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
