She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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