Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
