On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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