Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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