we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I will pee on everything he values.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
