so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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