planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize