bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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