there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize