so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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