Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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