you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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