even my farts smell like vagina
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
